Trust Nobody…

This morning I learned that someone hated me enough to alter a message that I sent before showing it to a friend of mine who now hates my guts. I’m broken.

How the hell do you know who to trust after something like that? Hell, trust nobody.

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One Pissed Off Pansexual…

A little while ago, I took the plunge and I came out to all my Facebook friends as bisexual. I got a hugely positive response from the vast majority of my FB friends. I got the best support a girl could ask for from my wonderful, wonderful friends. All barring one homophobic fuckknuckled cunt. Now this homophobic prick has taken some time to let me know that my coming out was totally unnecessary and there was no need for me to do it!

Really??? How so? I got told that the world didn’t want to know what gays did in the bedroom. Now let us just take that sentence and examine it a little more closely. I don’t need to tell the world what I do in the bedroom? Really? Seems to me that all I did was say that I was bisexual and that was that. I certainly didn’t shout out about what I did in the bedroom with anyone!

Then let’s take this even further. This particular person goes out every Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Now that’s fine, if that is what she wants to. I couldn’t care less. She will get with a different guy at least once a week, maybe more. Good for her! Why not? She then proceeds to share the gory details of each and every encounter she has in blow by blow style. So it seems the world (at least according to her) wants to know how straight people’s sex lives are. Urgh! But don’t slip and slide all the way to the bottom of the moral high ground and then point up at me, who has been in a monogamous relationship with a guy for twelve years. A relationship that is private and stays between the two of us.

Now I don’t care what she does. What I do care about is basically being called a pervert by somebody who goes and does exactly what she accuses me of doing!

That night I sat and thought a lot about the whole situation and I realised that I was more than bisexual. I was pansexual. Gender does not matter to me. Attraction is what matters, and gender is in your head not between your legs!!!

So there we are. Her and I. I don’t judge her life style. She can do what the hell she likes! What she doesn’t get to damn well do is judge mine. Uh-huh. No freakin’ way Jose!

Be kind to each other.x

Our Mental Illnesses Are NOT Your Cute Personality Quirks…

Seriously people. The next time that I hear”Oh I must tidy up, I’m so OCD today” or “Oh she’s up one minute and down the next – she’s so bipolar!” I am going to stuff my walking stick right up that person’s asshole and turn them into a fucking lollipop. I swear I am.

Listen up people. Suffering from mental illness is no triviality and neither is it a fucking joke. I have struggles with several mental health issues, OCD and bipolar being two of them, so it really does set my teeth on edge when I hear someone coming out with an off the cuff, totally fucking moronic comment like that.

When we said we wanted mental health disorders to be spoken about more, we didn’t mean for you to appropriate them into your everyday conversations.

Lately (and unfortunately), it is becoming something of the norm that mental health disorders find their way into everyday discussions, and not in the way we’d like them to. I can’t count on my hand how many times I’ve heard someone who’s had a minor inconvenience or mishap go on to complain about how ‘depressed’ they are. Not only is it infuriating, but it’s hurtful.

For those diagnosed with depression, you’ll know it’s not something that suddenly happens after something goes wrong, or you’ve had a ‘bad day.’ It’s a constant state, you’re trapped in it, and it is definitely not something that can be used as an adjective.

No, Sarah, just because your boyfriend hasn’t texted back in three hours, doesn’t mean you’re not depressed.

You are upset, sad, down, blue (see ‘unhappy‘ in the thesaurus for more synonyms) but you are certainly not depressed.

However by comparing your sadness to a mental health disorder, what you’ve done is silence the kid three seats down from you who’s been dealing with this disorder for months, who’s struggling to wake up every morning, who’s on medication just to get them through the day.

You’re comparing a moment of sadness in your life, to a lifetime of theirs.

But it’s not just depression that is used as an adjective, it’s next to all mental health disorders. I remember sitting in class once whilst a group of teenage boys were stalking a girl’s Instagram page. They reached a picture of her where she looked skinny, slim, and thin, and all they could think to say was, “Wow, she’s so anorexic!” I was thinking to myself, “Really? Out of all the words to call her, you had to relate it back to a mental health disorder?”

The list goes on; calling someone who organizes their work neatly on a table ‘OCD’, calling someone who’s mood has changed from the last time you saw them ‘bipolar’, not getting a good nights sleep and complaining that you must have ‘insomnia.’ They are not adjectives, they are our real mental health disorders that real people face. We have not come forward about them for you to simply misdiagnose yourself after one incident.

So next time you feel the need to compare your sad moment. tidying of your room or unexpected mood swing to a mental health disorder, open a thesaurus. There are plenty of synonyms; use a different one.

Get a Grip!!!…

Seriously what is wrong with people at the moment? Why are people acting like there will be no more milk or bread in the entire world for at least about around an entire flippin week! Really people you need to get a grip of yourselves.

 

I know it has been a while since we last had any decent snow, but surely we haven’t forgotten how to cope with deep snow?

 

I can remember having to walk to school in knee deep snow in waterproofs and then get changed at school. We could see our breath and there was ice on the inside of the windows. Yet now? Three snowflakes and school shuts for a freakin’ week! Laughable!

 

This whole “panic buying” is yet another sad aspect of the consumerist greed that now enthrals society. Why can’t we see that we don’t need to behave in such a way? There are so many people who go out and buy what they know they don’t need and for what? To see it go mouldy and then have to throw it away.

 

I get so cross when I think of this. There are so many people in this country who are now on or below the breadline and they are lucky to get a piece of toast to eat. Yet selfish greedy consumers who cannot cram enough food into their shopping trollies to then cram into their kitchen cupboards to then have to throw it all away because it has all gone off. That is all food that could have been given to hungry people!

 

As poor as I am, I always buy a couple of extra tins of human and animal food (yes, there are hungry pets too) and pop it all into the collection point at my local supermarket. It’s easy to do, and could take the place of all the extra freakin’ bread you bought that is going to go mouldy!!! *shakes head*

 

Seriously people, get a grip. This is snow. Deal with it like a grown up. You do know that in Canada they are howling with laughter at the way we are behaving, and rightly so! Let’s get ourselves back to normality. When did you last bake your own bread? You could do that instead of buying six loaves at Tesco!

 

Take care of yourselves.x

Bullying in the Workplace…

I have a longstanding history of being bullied. I was bullied by my so called ‘father’ until I broke all contact with him at the age of 16. Why was he a bully? Apart from the fact that he was a violent, alcoholic asshole, I honestly don’t know. My best guess is that he made himself feel bigger by making me feel small. I was badly bullied at school, from the age of 9 to the day I left at 16.

All of this had combined to give me some serious self confidence issues. I felt less than nothing. It was heartbreaking for me. I always tried my very best to be a valuable person, to integrate into whichever team or group of people I was in and to blend in.

It never happens to me. I never blend in. I am always the one that may as well have a flashing blue light above her head and a bullseye painted front and back.

I had wanted to be a nurse for a long time. Yet my father did not like that idea and was making every effort he could get to bully me into going to uni to study Law. When I got my first college form, he swept it out of my hand and demanded they were changed to Law, Sociology, psychology and his favourite chemistry. (No’ frikkin’ way jose!) He threw me out of the house two weeks after my mum’s funeral. I was 16 years old. The woman who he threw me out for was the woman he left my mum for. I’m glad I didn’t have to be around to see her move into that house and into my mum’s bed.

I had one relationship with an emotionally manipulative bully, whom I managed to escape from. We were together for just two years. Then when I was 19 I met what I thought was the love of my life. He treated me like a princess, married me, and turned into a carbon copy of my ‘father’ – a violent alcoholic. Within a few weeks, I was so under his control I wouldn’t lift up my head unless he spoke to me.

I know all of this is not relevant to workplace bullying. But it is relevant to me as a person and it is important to understand my past in order to understand why my workplace bullying affected me in the place that it did.

I qualified as a nurse at the end of 1995. I was so very excited to have finally become a nurse after three long years of study and hard work. I had always wanted to work in medicine – surgical wasn’t for me. So I was thrilled to get a job on a medical ward.

My first shift was a very quiet one as it was Christmas Day. That was not too bad. I felt a little like a square peg in a round hole, but I put that down to the awkwardness of it being my first day on the ward.

My second day however, everything changed. The deputy ward manager was working with me and asked me to go and get her a specific bag of IV fluid as her patient’s IV was almost finished. It took me about five minutes to locate it as I hadn’t been given a proper tour of the ward and shown where everything was. When I got back to her with the bag of fluid, she screamed at me in front of the whole ward, patients and staff, “Are you dumb?”

That was soul crushing. I could feel the tears stinging the back of my eyelids. I mumbled a sorry and managed to make it to the staff toilets. Then the tears came down thick and fast. I couldn’t believe that she had done that to me in front of the whole ward.

This was the beginning of almost a year of intense bullying and victimisation for me. There was a clique of staff in that ward and if you didn’t fit in to it then you were ostracised and ignored every single day. I was only ever spoken to if it was to make a direct work request or to belittle me. I was ignored, had backs turned to me, was given all the worst shifts and it got worse with every single day that passed.

The bullying got so bad that I would walk around with my head down. I walked to my patients’ beds with my head facing the floor and would only look up when I got to them. It got so bad that I used to cry every single time that I had to go in to work. Then it would intensify and no matter how I tried to be a good nurse and part of the team they hated me. Big time! One of the few people I was friends with there, who was subject to the same kind of bullying told me that one of the staff had said every time she saw me she wanted to slap me. That made me feel awful. It must be me. My husband beat me and now a colleague wanted to? This made my life hell.

Then I found out that one of the junior staff on the ward was going to be moved to a different ward and oh boy did I hope it was me. I couldn’t bear the atmosphere there anymore and was getting more upset day by day.

Then I found out it was me to be moved. First of all, I was told that a draw on names had been done to “make it fair”. A part of me thought oh, ok, at least that makes it all fair. Then it came to the surface that wasn’t the case at all. That horrible cow who had bullied me to the verge of a nervous breakdown had set it up so that my name was guaranteed to come out. I was thrilled to be moving from that hell hole of a ward but the fact that these horrible people could be so mean and pathetic as to set me up and then lie about it like that? I almost felt as if it was a kick to the stomach.

I moved to the new ward and even though the staff were super nice, they were worried about me.

I was referred to occupaitional health and put onto nights (which I loooooved!)

However, one night two very senior managers arrived on the ward asking to see me! *gulp* Oh boy what had I done??? Then they told me to get my cigarettes as I might need them and got ma a mug of coffee! This really was not a good sign!

They were both very kind and put my nerves behind me right at the start. They were here to talk about the the bullying that I had endured for over a year. It seemed to be fate that so many people had gone through the bullying. That so many people were affected was horrifying to me. I should have been and opened my mouth to the nurse director but I didn’t. I started do feel like utter crap for this!

I slowly talked about my experiences and about the fact that my lack of action over the other people was eating me up inside. I got told that right up front it wasn’t my fault, as every single one of us (there were many) that had been victimised by this woman and her clique of cronies all felt the same. We all wishes we had spoken up, but we were all too scared.

The more we talked, the more memories came spilling out. It was like picking a scab. You really wanted to stop, but once you had started, then you had to keep going until all of the scab was gone. I remembered all the little details like them making a tray of drinks (tea and coffee) for them and there was never a cup for me. Offers would be made to go to the canteen on Sunday morning and I was never asked. If I overheard and asked, my order would be conveniently be forgotten every single time. A million and one tiny things very quickly built up and they pushed me right to the edge of breaking. I hadn’t realised just how close to breaking I was. I turned out that this interview was the catalyst that pushed me over the edge and into the abyss.

I sobbed for about thirty minutes non stop as they finished the interview and they were really good. They held my hands and said I may need to give evidence of my experience at a tribunal which made me sob even more but I understood why. They also said I could go home for the night as I wasn’t fit to finish my shift and they would understand if I needed time to heal.

That time to heal turned into almost three months off work. I couldn’t face it. I felt sick to the stomach about going back there and even when I did go back, I didn’t feel confident for a long time.

This whole experience sickened me to the core. Instead of being brave and reporting things, I let them multiply until I became very ill and that was what left me off work for so long.

I’m telling my story now in the hope that I can inspire even one person to have the courage to speak up and speak out about the workplace bullying that they are either witnessing or undergoing.

I am now medically retired due to physical health issues. However I have seriously bad anxiety and paranoia which are attributed in part to the way that I was treated by that group of people at work. I would seriously urge anyone who is going through workplace bullying to please go to someone and speak out. Don’t make the mistakes I did and end up so ill that you cannot function. Don’t suffer. Speak up and speak out for the sake of your sanity. Please don’t suffer alone.

My blog can be found here: https://arwenfreebird.wordpress.coma

Jennifer Lawrence and That Dress…

Anyone who knows me, knows that I worship the ground that Jennifer Lawrence walks on. The woman can do no wrong in my eyes. She is my idea of perfect, she really is.

Over the last couple of days, the press, and the world in general seems to have lost its collective mind over the fact that Jennifer exercised her right to wear what the hell she likes and put on an absolutely stunning black dress for a photo shoot promoting her latest film “Red Sparrow”. My word did she ever look good too! The dress was so elegant.

Yet I’m not here to discuss sartorial elegance and movie stars fashion choices. I’m here to discuss the way that the internet seems to have lost its damn mind over the fact that Jennifer wore this dress at all.

Before I go any further I just want to make clear that THE CHOICE WAS HERS!!! All the idiots that are saying she was coerced into wearing the dress – get a grip!!! Also, she openly admits there was no way that she would spoil this dress and the look of it by wearing a coat/hat/scarf. Again, HER CHOICE PEOPLE!!! She made a post on Facebook about the fact these photographs went viral. She was stunned that the world lost its damn mind over a dress!

Jennifer Lawrence’s Facebook statement regarding the dress.

I was so pissed off by the fact that she even had to make that statement. Hell people, if she had wanted to stand there with nipple pasties and a g string (I wish) then it would have been HER CHOICE!!!

I’m now seeing all kinds of articles from all over the internet saying that the dress was against the #metoo movement and that it was not feminist to have Jennifer freezing in a dress while her male co-stars wore coats. See the above paragraph. HER CHOICE PEOPLE!!! As for it damaging the #metoo movement? That is the biggest load of horse crap I have ever heard!

This article from “The Pool” really yanked my chain. Right at the end… “a thin young woman”. What does her body size have to do with it? If she was a size 26 and had a skimpy outfit on, then then it would be commented upon about the person being overweight. Yet the media wonders why so many people lay the blame for eating disorders so squarely at their door.

Idiotic post from The Pool

Whatever Ms Lawrence chooses to wear, she is damned by a certain segment of society. Too skimpy, not skimpy enough, too short, too long, too revealing, not revealing enough… you get the picture here. Yes, people are going to analyse what famous people wear, but get a grip here. It is really not some misogynistic plot to get Ms Lawrence to flash her boobs for the camera just to get bums on seats for a movie! Again – her choice!

There are some more sensible articles about the issue

Not a symbol of feminism

Jezebel struck with a teeth clenchingly annoying article asking for Jennifer to be given a coat. 😡😡😡

Give Jennifer a coat

Then the self same website does a 180 and produces this…

She chose to be cold, deal with it

The more that I hear people harping on about this, the more annoyed I get. One Irish journalist, Orna Mulcahy was rude enough to say that she “doubted” the choice was Jennifer’s! How patronising can you be? Jealousy makes one very ugly Ms Mulcahy, it really does.

I’m going to say this one last time. It was Jennifer’s choice to put on that dress and she looked damn good in it. Keep your jealous, bullshit opinions to yourself!

Be kind to each other.x

An Open Letter To My Sons About Donald Trump…

A letter to my sons.
Hey boys. Your aged mother (well, I’m 44) needs to get this off her chest.
I’ve been a little bit upset since Wednesday. I’ve cried a lot and I’ve been very grumpy. Yes, I know. Grumpier than normal. That’s baaaaad right? There is a very serious reason for all of this. That cheese Dorito coloured asshat Donald Trump has been elected as President of the United States of America. That’s filled me with a sense of fear and disbelief.
Now, I’ll get a fair amount (if that many people read this) of abuse for telling you that I’m scared. Well tough. You are 18 and 16 so you are old enough to hear this and to cope with the occasional profanity that may come out of my mouth. You are my kids and I decide what I say to you, not some keyboard warrior with nothing better to do.
On the 9th November, we woke up to the unthinkable news that Donald J Trump had become the 45th president of the United States of America. I remember that I just went icy cold, started shaking and burst into tears. How could this happen? Everyone was so sure (myself included) that we would be waking up to the words “Madam President”. Yet against all the odds, the ever orange one with shares in L’Oreal hairspray had won.
Why did this happen? How could so many women, Hispanics, people of colour, Muslims, environmentalists and LGBTQ all vote for Trump? By their vote alone, Hillary should have romped home. She should have been tap dancing up the White House lawn. But this didn’t happen. Why didn’t it?
Here is one thing we know: Donald Trump, against all odds, will be the next President of the United States.

That’s a fact. How exactly it came to be is an open question. There will be dozens of books written about the real estate magnate’s path to the White House. From his trampling of the Republican primary field to a convincing electoral victory over Hillary Clinton after a shockingly nasty general election campaign, some could arrive in volumes.

1. He won because of Facebook and its inability or unwillingness to crack down on fake news

Via New York Magazine: The social network and others like it became a clearinghouse for fake news. Not simple partisan spin, but outright lies peddled as objective truth by shady actors both inside the US and abroad. 

2. Because of social media, generally

Via right-wing commentator Stefan Molyneux: The medium made the man — much as radio won the presidency for Franklin Roosevelt and television boosted John Kennedy, social media allowed Trump and his allies to drive the narrative.

3. Because of low voter turnout

Via multiple sources on social media: For a variety of reasons, from an enthusiasm gap to voter suppression, turnout in 2016 was lower across the board, but especially among Democrats. And it cost Clinton the election.

4. Because celebrity outlasts substance

Via Quartz: Trump’s name ID, celebrity and media-savvy overmatched Clinton’s policy acumen and data-driven turnout operation. 

5. Because of white women 

Via Slate: They were just as “racist” as their white male counterparts, with whom they identify more than women from minority groups. 

6. Because of white male resentment

Via The Nation: Forget economic anxiety — exit polls show people making the least money voted for Clinton — and focus on identity. The best evidence lies in Trump and his supporters’ calls to “take our country back.” 

7. Because of Russia after all?

Via The Washington Post: The Russian deputy foreign minister, Sergei Ryabkov, said in an interview with state media that, contrary to Trump’s denials, “quite a few” people from his “entourage” have “been staying in touch with Russian representatives.”

8. Because the left and coastal elites shamed Trump supporters

Via The New York Times: The left has pressed on with an “ideology of shame” directed at the right, most notably now Trump supporters. 

In short: “The racism, sexism and xenophobia used by Mr. Trump to advance his candidacy does not reveal an inherent malice in the majority of Americans.”

9. Because rural Midwesterners don’t get out of the house enough

Via Patrick Thornton of Roll Call: It’s not just that elites are abandoning or ignoring Middle America — the “rural midwest” is doing the same, becoming more isolated and resistant to the diversity (of identity and thought) on the coasts.

10. Because the Democratic Party establishment didn’t push Bernie Sanders

Via The Huffington Post: By raising up Clinton over Sanders, the Democratic Party establishment (and its voters?) showed they favored the company and support of comfortable professionals over those beset by economic injustice. 

11. Because Reagan Democrats surged in Michigan and Midwest

Via former U.N. ambassador John Bolton: The so-called “Reagan Democrats” — white, working class voters who tend to lean Democrat but bend right for special candidates like Ronald Reagan and, now, Trump — are the story of this election. 

12. Not because of millennials

Via the Boston Globe: But do blame the media for focusing too much on them and not enough on the older white males who were the great, underreported story of 2016.

13. Because of Gary Johnson and Jill Stein

Via Vanity Fair: Clinton lost for lots of reasons, most notably the millions of voters who turned out for Johnson and Stein, thus denying the Democratic support she might have received in narrowly lost states like Pennsylvania. 

14. Because political correctness set off a nasty backlash

Via Reason: Trump’s promise to “destroy” political correctness, which has run rampant on college campuses and other more liberal enclaves, won him the culture war and, thus, the presidency.

15. Because he simply listened to the American people

Via right radio host John Cardillo: The political class (on the coasts) did not listen to or care enough for Middle America. Trump did. So he won.

16. Because college educated Americans are out of touch

Via the Alaska Dispatch News: Trump spoke to working-class voters, here mostly defined as those without college degrees, about the things they cared about: religion, liberty, marriage, sexuality, abortion and gun rights. And because “professorial sorts” who have spent time at universities drift into an “insular political culture,” their candidate was doomed to lose.

17. Because Americans are biased — but not against any race, ethnicity or gender

Via The Resurgent: The election was, simply, a referendum on the ruling class in Washington, D.C. None of the other issues, be they cultural or racial, came close to mattering as much.

18. Because voters believed the system was corrupt

Via The (UK) Daily Telegraph: Voters believed their political apparatus was corrupt and Trump was the only one who reliably affirmed that belief and promised to fix it.

19. Because he remembered ‘forgotten men, women’ of America

Via FirstPost: While Hillary Clinton held campaign rallies with Beyoncé and Jay-Z, Trump was out talking about the “forgotten” working class, which in turn exacted a “revenge” on the political elite by voting for him. 

20. Because Democrats focused more on turning out supporters than growing the base

Via In These Times: The party and the left “have given up/abandoned/lost touch with the working class” — as evidenced by their lame effort to persuade people outside their base. By focusing on them, Democrats ceded all else. 

21. Because the Democratic National Committee selected the less competitive candidate 

Via WikiLeaks on Twitter: The party tipped the scales for Clinton, thus “defeating the purpose of running a primary” and in turn denying Sanders, a better candidate, the chance to win.

22. Not because of racism

Via Bloomberg View: Never mind the backlash to the country’s first African-American president, this wasn’t about race in the slightest. If race were an issue, then Obama wouldn’t have won two terms and many of the states Trump himself prevailed in on Tuesday.

23. Because of Comey

Via USA Today: The FBI director’s decision to revive the Clinton email circus with a letter to Congress two weeks before Election Day killed the Democrat’s momentum and derailed her plans to finish the campaign with a more uplifting message. It also distracted from things like Trump’s comments in the “Access Hollywood” tape.

24. Not because of Comey

Via The Washington Post: Clinton lost because exit polls showed more than half of voters believed she was “corrupt.” And that was her own fault, not Comey’s.

Any one of these suggestions could be the reason that he won. It could be a combination of some or all of them. Whatever the reasons, I am sickened by the fact he won. Each and every person who voted for him ought to hang their heads in shame and disgust.

What we are saying by a Trump vote is that it is OK to verbally or physically attack someone because of their race, religion, gender or sexual orientation. Bullshit! Fuck that!!! It is so NOT ok! It is not OK to yell racist taunts or touch a woman without her consent. It is not OK to put your hands on another person without their consent. Ever.

People tell me I have no right to be scared of Trump because I’m Scottish. Well excuse me for being afraid of a psychopath with the nuclear codes in his pocket. World peace is EVERYBODY’S business, it really is!

Why have I written this letter? I want you to know that it is OK to say HELL NO!!! It is OK to rage against the dying of the light. It is OK to fight back!!!

As I write this, people across the USA are protesting against Trump and his presidency. They are fighting back. What we have to do is stand with them. We have to speak out against Trump and do it globally!

If he builds that wall, then we have to be ready to tear it down.

I want you to read this and know that we will never stop fighting. All it takes for evil to prosper is that good men do nothing.

Love you boys.

Mum.x

Tiptoeing around chronic physical/mental health issues and pain…

Seriously. Enough already! People need to stop tiptoeing around these issues. I am quite open about the fact that I have severe physical health issues and also mental health issues. I’m very lucky to have a small, close knit group of friends who understand what I am going through because they, like me, have seen the film and got the t-shirt. They really help to keep me from losing it.

I can talk to them. Every single day we can talk about what ails us. We can talk about our pain safe in the knowledge that someone is going to be there to hold us up and give us the love and support that we need at any given time. With our mental health issues too. We can talk about our bogeymen and our demons without anyone judging or laughing at us.

Yet if we talk about any of those things outside of our group, then eyes get rolled and people tut. We are accused of moaning and complaining. We are told that we should suck it up and suffer in silence. People who do not understand will tiptoe around these issues and expect us to bury our complaints and tiptoe around the illness and it’s symptoms. Well hell no!!!

Enough already. People can bitch to the world that they have a cold and how ill they feel. Yet we must suffer in silence and on top of that, also sugar coat what we say so that it’s palatable for other people to swallow.

Enough. We should not have to hide how we suffer just to make other people feel better. Like now. I’ll tell you that it feels like all my muscles are wrapped in barbed wire and each and every one of my nerves feels like they have been dipped in acid. To cap it off it feels like little men with crowbars are trying to prise open my joints and I have a pride of lions chewing in my lumbar spine. That’s pretty much every day for me.

Oh, lets talk about the elephant in the room – mental health. I have just about clawed my way back from being on the edge of a nervous breakdown. I’m thinking about things and I feel so physically sick that my mind is fractured and shattered into thousands of tiny pieces. Paranoia haunts me. I feel like I’m a useless fat lump. I hate myself. PTSD from a lifetime of abuse from the two men who should have loved and protected me more than any others. That rages in my mind. Bipolar type 1 also rules me. But I have to fight as hard as I can. They will not beat me. Those men took my innocence but they will not take my life.

So anyone with chronic health issues, hear me. Be loud and proud. You don’t have to sugar coat how you feel to make other people feel better!