What the hell America?…

Seriously, what the hell? Who decided to agree with that dayglo orange buffoon that he would be a suitable candidate for POTUS? Everyday that goes by, another skeleton falls out of his closet and shows him up as the sexist, misogynistic, racist, bigoted moron that he truly is.

Today has been one of the most illuminating ones of all when it  comes to shining a light on the depths of how depraved he truly is.

Transcripts from shock jock Howard Stern’s radio show have been released and they regale the reader with many vile examples of things La Donald has said and done. Here is a link to the vile things he said …

Trump’s comments to Howard Stern
However, sadly this isn’t the worst of it. Unless you have had your head in the sand for the last 24 hours, you have most likely heard of the tape released by the Washington Post about how Trump feels about treating women, all because he is famous…

Donald Trump’s lewd comments
How can anybody accept this? People do though. There have people saying that they don’t care what he said. They will still vote for him. They claim to be staunch Christians. Really? How can you claim to be Christian when you stand with the devil?

Nigel Farage (the boil on the ass of British politics) said that this was “how all men talk”. Erm, no Nigel, it isn’t. It really isn’t.

Farage’s comments
After the release of the Trump tapes, there has been a surge of posts on Twitter of women sharing horrible stories about them being assaulted sexually at an early age. This is NOT ok people!!!

Sadly these tweets reveal how endemic and casually accepted sexual assaults are by (mostly) men in the world today. People, teach your children that they must ALWAYS repel an advance/touching that you do not want or feels wrong. Lash out, protect yourself and TELL SOMEONE!!! Teach your children that is NEVER ok to touch/treat another human being in this way. America MUST make a stand against Trump and they simply must accept that this (or any) level of abuse is not OK. Because it isn’t. It really isn’t!!!

First assault tweets

If you hate Hillary Clinton so much that you cannot bring yourself to vote for her, then fine. Don’t. JUST DONT VOTE FOR TRUMP!!! Show him and the rest of the world that this behaviour must never and will never be OK.

NEVER TRUMP!!!

Advertisements

Emotional blackmail is just wrong, wrong, wrong…

Any form of emotional blackmail is morally bankrupt and the lowest of the low in terms of behaviour. It’s plain wrong!

Just how can it be ok to reduce another human being to tears with your words and threats? How can you think it is ok to tell another person that they are fat and ugly and will never cope without you? Or that you will kill yourself if a person does not come back to you after a break up?

Emotional blackmail is basically a system of threats and punishments used in an attempt to control someone’s behaviors. Not ok!!!

In a nutshell, emotional blackmail is a psychological-emotional ransom note that says, “if you don’t do what I want then I will make you hurt”.
In order for emotional blackmail to occur there must be four things present – a demand, a threat, a blackmailer and a victim.
The Demand – Emotional blackmailers demand something the victim does not want to give, in an attempt to gain the upper hand where there are conflicting interests or wants.
In general the blackmailer is usually asking for something which the victim regards as unreasonable and which the blackmailer believes they can get – if they apply enough pressure. For this reason emotional blackmail patterns are often cyclical – with both the blackmailer and the victim learning over time what level of demand will be tolerated without retribution and what degree of blackmail it takes for the victim to comply.
The Threat – The blackmailer may threaten to hurt the victim directly, or more commonly threaten to hurt something or someone the victim cares about. This could take the form of damaging or destroying their reputation, an object, an agreement, a relationship or a trust. Blackmailers may also threaten to hurt themselves to pressure a victim into compliance.
The Blackmailer – Although an emotional blackmailer is fighting for control over their victim, they often have little control over themselves. They may feel desperate inside and justify their actions as a means to an end of soothing their own desperate internal pain. In some cases, an emotional blackmailer may not always realize the extent of the hurt they are inflicting on their victim (and ultimately on themselves). They may not be able or willing to “snap out of it” and change their behavior.
The Victim – In order for emotional blackmail to work there has to be a willing victim – a person who is willing to sacrifice their principles, values, goals and boundaries to “keep the peace”, “turn the other cheek” and give in to the demands. Victims are often bridge builders – people who have compassion or pity on the blackmailer and are willing to go the extra mile for them. Victims may have low self-esteem of their own and be generally afraid to stand up for their own ideas and principles. They are caught in a vicious cycle as each time they yield something important to the abuser they suffer a loss of their own self-esteem and begin to feel more powerless, hopeless and trapped in their situation.
What it looks like
“If I ever see another man look at you I will kill him.”

“If you ever stop loving me I will kill myself.”

“I’ve already discussed this with our pastor/therapist/friends/family and they agree that you are being unreasonable.”

“I’m taking this vacation – with or without you.”

“Your family hates me. How can you say you love me and still be friends with them?”

“You’ve ruined my life and now you are trying to stop me from spending money to take care of myself.”

“I took the money because you always put yourself first and don’t seem to care about my needs.”

What NOT to do:

reward emotional blackmail demands or attempts.

Don’t stay in a situation where there is a threat or an action of violence towards yourself or others.

Don’t allow yourself to be blamed for somebody else’s bad behaviors or poor personal choices.

What TO do:

characteristic of emotional blackmail and understand that to give in to the demands of a blackmailer will only make the situation worse.

Recognize that no-one who truly loves you will threaten you with harm or expect you to act against your own best interests.

Recognize that the emotional blackmailer is not like you and is unlikely to respond well to reason, arguments or attempts at counter-manipulation.

Work on your own personal boundaries and be willing to defend them.

Remove one of the four components of emotional blackmail – the blackmailer, the victim (you) the threat or the demand. Since you can’t control the other person that usually means you have to detach yourself enough to protect yourself, your children and the resources and relationships that are precious to you. Then allow the blackmailer back in only to the extent that they cannot threaten or destroy what matters to you most.

Call the authorities if there are any threats or actions of violence.

I’ve been through this for years and so have some very dear friends of mine. The scars we bear are very deep. PTSD is my shadow. But it is possible to escape. To come out of the darkness and stand in the sunlight. To be you.x

To shave or not to shave: That is the question…

Most, if not all of the women I know are slaves to Venus razors, Immac cream or waxing strips. The second even the slightest bit of hair has the audacity to poke it’s head above the skin horizon, women dive screaming for their weapons of choice in the war on hair removal.

The whole attitude towards body hair really does piss me off. Women who chose not to remove their body hair are described as dirty and disgusting. Mainly by men, but women also join in on the abuse caravan. Why is this? Who made the rules? Who set it in stone that it was an obligatory part of a woman’s routine to shear every possible follicle of body hair from their bodies?

Extensive poking around has lead me to discover that the routine of body hair removal is not a new thing. It has been around for thousands of years.

Removing hair from the head and face of men was originally not for vanity purposes but for survival. It is known that not only cavemen did this but ancient Egyptians as well. There have been speculations that for safety, scraping off the beard and hair on the head would take away the advantage of an adversary having anything to grab onto. For cavemen it was possibly known that those with less hair had less mites, hence scraping the hair from the face.
They didn’t have Gillette or Bic back in the day…They would take sharp rocks, sea shells or flint blades and literally scrape the hair from their faces. I’m sure not only hair came away…um…OW!!!
The ancient Egyptians were known to have better forms of razors made of flint or bronze. They also used a method of depilatory called sugaring. A sticky paste (bees wax was sometimes used) would be applied to the skin, kind of like waxing. Then a strip of cloth was pressed onto the paste and yanked off, removing the hair.
There is a rumor going around that women have only been removing hair from their legs for the last hundred years or so. Well that is true for American and European women. The fact that removal of body hair for Europeans wasn’t popular gives sense to the fact that American women didn’t shave, because most of the immigrants were European. However in ancient Egypt, Greece, and Middle Eastern countries, removing body hair was important. In fact these women removed most of their body hair, except for t the eyebrows. Egyptian women removed their head hair. Having hair down under was considered uncivilized. Now any men reading this should know the women were not the only ones to remove their pubic hair…
It was also considered uncivilized for men to have hair on their face. Having a scruffy face meant you were a slave or servant, definitely of lower class. Is that why corporate guys and politicians always have clean shaven faces? Do we associate a clean shaven face with someone powerful?
In the ancient Roman Empire, hair removal was often seen as an identifier of class. The wealthy women would remove their body hair with pumice stones, razors, tweezers and depilatory creams.
There was also another technique used called threading. The women would take some string or yarn and lace it through the fingers of both hands, then vigorously rub it on the area therefore tugging, ripping, pulling the unwanted hair away…
We do know European women did not engage in body hair removal during the middle ages. In fact it wasn’t until Elizabethan times that Euro women began the practice of hair removal…except they didn’t remove leg, armpit or pubic hair…they removed their eyebrows and the hair from their foreheads to give themselves a longer brow.
This look was so fashionable that it is said, mothers would often rub walnut oil on their children’s foreheads to prevent hair growth. They were also said to use bandages covered with vinegar and cat’s poo. Gross!
The Perret razor was invented in the 1760’s by French barber, Jean Jacques Perret. It is an L-shaped wooden guard that holds the razor and is supposed to reduce the damage done to skin (ex: cuts!) when shaving.

However it wasn’t until the 1880’s that a much safer razor came along. Meet King Camp Gillette. He wasn’t a king, that was just his name. He was an American businessman, and in case you didn’t recognize his last name, he was the inventor of the Gillette razor. 
In 1915, the first women’s razor came out. It was in this same year that an edition of Harpers Bazaar magazine came out with an issue featuring a model wearing a sleeveless dress and *gasp* no hair in the armpits! Thus started the ritual we have today of shaving away unwanted hair.

I’ll freely admit that I do not shave my legs or under my arms. I do not smell and bathe every day. So those who cry that having underarm hair makes you stink? You’re talking utter crap. Why don’t I shave? I have a number of physical conditions that cause severe chronic pain. Not only can I not lift up my shoulders to shave my armpits or bend down to shave my legs, the additional pain of a razor scraping away on my skin feels like somebody is slowly pouring acid on to my skin. I’m sorry, but I’d rather have body hair than that any day of the week. It’s sheer hell.

When a guy shouts out to a girl who does not shave her body hair, he is body shaming her in an unacceptable way. When a woman does it to another woman? It’s even worse! We should be respecting eachother’s choices, not belittling them! I mean when famous women dare to display armpit hair, such utterly vile things are said in the press it makes you wonder whether these women have flashed their pit hair or butchered a box of puppies! It’s only hair! Please get a grip can we people???

Horrified…

I’ve just been on Facebook, and whilst scrolling through my news feed, came across a video that a friend had shared. Nothing to do with the friend in question, they were simply asking for an opinion on the issue. However, I got treated to a bird’s eye view of said video thanks to the automatic playback facility that Facebook has for videos now.

Allow me to digress for a moment. In order to understand this, I need to explain that I was a victim of domestic violence for a lot of years. I am free now, but suffer from severe PTSD. Viewing this video caused an almighty flashback and I’m feeling so vulnerable and afraid right now, I really am.

The video in question? Surely it couldn’t be that bad? Erm, yes it was actually. It was a video of a gang of men violently holding down and beating a woman while one of them shaved her head. Her crime, according to the video’s caption, was that she had cheated on her boyfriend.

Now I have blogged before that I loathe cheaters, and I still hold that opinion. But how do we know that it’s true? We only have the poster of the video’s word for that. Believe me, I know only too well that violent men will use any bullshit excuse to try and rationalise what they are doing to another human being. If they actually admitted to themselves that they were at fault for their brutality, then their tiny little heads would explode.

The answer? Well in my view it is simple. Facebook needs to remove the automatic playback facility that it has currently. Then people will be safe from traumatising experiences like this. I have reported said video. But for now, my thoughts are with that poor girl. I hope with all of my heart that she is OK.

The girl on the outside…

The girl was used to standing on the outside. She stood on the outside every single day. The cool kids hated her, and would mock her mercilessly. It was something she was used to.

Sometimes it was her clothes. Her so called father had disappeared years ago. It was as if she had never existed to him. That was one thing that made her happy. While he wasn’t around, he couldn’t hurt her anymore. However, her mother was struggling to keep them going. All the girl’s clothes were second hand, which was patently obvious. The bullies would call her “Jumble” a.k.a jumble sale. Every time she heard those words called in her direction, they caused a hot flush of shame to caress her cheeks. The jeers were like missiles that were fired at her ears and they found their way into her brain and buried themselves there, to replay themselves constantly without mercy.

If it wasn’t her clothing, it was her skin. She had rough, bumpy acne all over her forehead. There would be jibes of “spotted dick” when that was the target.

Every single night, the girl would break her heart, sobbing herself to sleep. Why her? Why could they not just leave her alone? Why wouldn’t just one of them get to know her and see that she was a nice person?

The next day, she crawled out of bed and got ready for school. On the way in, she braced herself for the day’s bullying.

When she arrived at school, she saw the bullies in a group. As they saw her, the main girl of the group waved and beckoned to her. The girl’s heart leapt. Could they really be changing their opinions of her? The girl beckoned her over again. Shyly, with hope in her heart, she inched her way over to them. The older girl held forth a can of cola and said, “Here, have a drink.” The girl reached out and took a hold of the can, before popping the tab. She screamed out as a large spray of the sticky liquid went all over her. The bullies burst out laughing and said, “There, stinky bitch, you’ve had an extra bath this week.” The girl tried to flee, but the bullies formed a ring around her, pointing and shoving her for at least twenty minutes before a teacher came to rescue her. The bullies were not punished for what they did.

How do I know this? That girl is me.

Having healing hands…

Whether you believe in healing hands or not is totally irrelevant here. I do believe in healing. I am a proud, card carrying Pagan. I have a very spiritual outlook and have always had the desire to heal in my blood. Ever since I was a little girl and I would put bandages on my teddies and put my poor mum through hours of being my “patient”, I knew that this was more than just a game for me. It was what I was. Then my mum became ill for real. My ‘father’ was too busy screwing his whore. He had no thought for us at all. I was left to nurse my dying mum with no help or support at the age of 15. It was a hellish time of my life. Yet despite that, I felt proud to nurse her. I did not want anyone else to do it. It felt like my duty. Then she became worse, and was taken into hospital, where she died three days later. I was broken. What kept me from going under was knowing that I had given her love and care to the best of my ability. She deserved to be honoured as her life drew towards its close.

This was when I knew that I was going to be a nurse. Healing was in my blood already, but my decision on nursing came about as my mum was dying. The support that I was given by the staff looking after my mum was just appalling. I was never  noticed. Hell, my mum wasn’t noticed and she was supposed to be their patient! My mum’s death was not a pleasant one. She died in agony and not knowing who I was. The morphine claimed her mind, but not her pain. Once my mum had died, I was basically ignored by the staff on the ward. One even went as far as to say, “Oh, are you still here?” I was devastated. I felt that if I could prevent even just one person from having a lousy experience like that then I had to do it. Hence the motivation to become a nurse. The fire in my belly was lit.

Yet as I went through my nurse training, I began to notice certain things. When I gave injections, I would be told that I was the only person who didn’t hurt them. When I held a patient’s hand when they were distressed, they would calm within seconds. When I spoke to irate relatives, they would calm quickly. This all made me feel that I was doing my job to the absolute best of my ability. All these things made me feel like I had been right to trust my instincts. I was a healer. I had chosen the right path.

I decided that I was going to persue other aspects of healing besides my nursing. I undertook a massage diploma and also a reiki course. I would channel reiki whilst massaging and without fail my clients would fall asleep every time and wake feeling so much better. I enjoyed the complementary side of healing more than I enjoyed nursing. I started to think about opening my own clinic offering holistic complementary healing. I just knew I was born for it.

Then something happened to stop me in my tracks. My illnesses. By February of 2009 I was not able to walk more than ten paces. My dreams were crushed.

Yet I found something out. I may not be able to stand up and deliver massages, but I could still put my hands on people  and I could still send distance healing. So why the hell shouldn’t I make use of what I have to help others?

I know that I and others like me have done good things with our gifts. Yet we are mocked and laughed at and disrespected. It’s funny how the Christians forget that they evangelise over the laying on of hands (hypocrisy much?) Surely it shouldn’t be all about making people feel guilty for their spiritual pathway? It should be about what is in our hearts and our ability to make another human being feel better. It should be about wanting to help others and not a sense of making one’s self feel better by mocking others. If one has the gift of being able to heal, then one should be able to do that without the fear of being mocked or belittled. Healing is healing after all. It should be respected and not not mocked. Namaste.