This is a bad day…

I’m standing on the edge of a huge dark pit of depression. I’m about to lose the tenuous grip on sanity that I had left. Why? My family. They have, over the last few days been so mean and nasty that I feel like piece of dried herb being ground up by a mortar and pestle. Every twist grinds a little bit more of me away until there will very soon be nothing left. I’ll just be a few bits of powder that would easily blow away in the wind and there would be nothing left of me at all.

I just don’t get what else I need to do. I try so hard to please everyone and make everyone happy. Yet right now, I get no respect and everything I do is thrown back at me. I’m nothing to them.

I can’t explain just how broken I feel. I see other people looking beautiful and being happy. Is it so very wrong of me to want just a tiny bit of that?

For the first 33 years of my life I was mistreated and abused. That is part of what has made me what I am now. Please stop. Please don’t grind any more of me away. 

I try so hard to fight back and move on. To rise out of this mire. But I can’t. I’m just a shadow and nobody sees me or the pain inside me. I’m honestly beginning to think that the world would be better if I just was not in it. If I just slipped over the edge of the pit. It would be so easy.