This is a bad day…

I’m standing on the edge of a huge dark pit of depression. I’m about to lose the tenuous grip on sanity that I had left. Why? My family. They have, over the last few days been so mean and nasty that I feel like piece of dried herb being ground up by a mortar and pestle. Every twist grinds a little bit more of me away until there will very soon be nothing left. I’ll just be a few bits of powder that would easily blow away in the wind and there would be nothing left of me at all.

I just don’t get what else I need to do. I try so hard to please everyone and make everyone happy. Yet right now, I get no respect and everything I do is thrown back at me. I’m nothing to them.

I can’t explain just how broken I feel. I see other people looking beautiful and being happy. Is it so very wrong of me to want just a tiny bit of that?

For the first 33 years of my life I was mistreated and abused. That is part of what has made me what I am now. Please stop. Please don’t grind any more of me away. 

I try so hard to fight back and move on. To rise out of this mire. But I can’t. I’m just a shadow and nobody sees me or the pain inside me. I’m honestly beginning to think that the world would be better if I just was not in it. If I just slipped over the edge of the pit. It would be so easy.

10 thoughts on “This is a bad day…

  1. I don’t know what I ca say that could make you feel better. Depression is awful, painful, heavy, lonely. You deserve to feel better. You deserve to have the freedom in our mind like so many people do, which they take for granted. I hope things get lighter and emotions get lighter *hugs*

    Liked by 1 person

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