I’m exhausted. I’ve had about two hours of broken sleep. Fuck you pain for keeping me awake like this, what have I ever done to you to deserve this?
I’ve lain awake feeling like every single nerve ending has been dipped in acid. Everything burns and the pain is mind blowing. It really is. Even my ritual waiting until the kids have set off for school and screaming fuck, fuck, fuuuuuuuuuuck at the top of my voice has not helped.
My painkillers I take four times a day. I have to, otherwise I don’t function. The downside of this is that between 9pm and 7am I have no pain relief. Nothing. Nada. Zip. So painsomnia is a huge part of why I don’t sleep.
I’m so fed up of this. Right now I feel like one giant, raw nerve ending that is on fire. The slightest movement sets everything off and I feel myself ripping over the edge and free falling through a world of fire and agony.
I’ve begged my doctor for help and been made to feel like a junkie for asking. People with chronic severe pain are not junkies. We are just desperate for some relief from this hell we live in.
So Im lying here feeling like hell and gritting my teeth. I’m OK as long as I just don’t move.