Dispair is creeping up inside my chest and curling it’s fetid fingers around my throat. I’m fighting the urge to cry, but the needles of tears are pricking the back of my eyelids like a thousand needle sharp teeth.
I try so hard to be a good person and a good mother. My kids are my absolute world. But they are both autistic and have special needs. I do everything by myself. But my youngest has just snapped at me. Violently snapped. I had a flashback to being beaten by his father. It was horrific. I’m now feeling cold, hot and terror filled. He is downstairs and ignoring me. He has retreated into his autistic shell. A part of me is so envious. I would give anything not to feel right now.
My thoughts are so dark right now. Why does everything I touch turn to shit? Why am I such a failure? Why can’t I have friends? I’m so toxic that every single person that I meet ends up melting away from me like butter.
I’ve fought so hard for so long that I have nothing left. I’m wrung out…