OCD has been a part of me for as long as I can remember. Before my depression, my bipolar, my PTSD, my BPD and my anxiety. It’s something that burst into my life at a very young age.
I’m fairly sure that I know why it started. There was a trigger event. But that is something that I do not feel comfortable talking about right now. I don’t know if I ever will. But I’m very sure that this one event is what opened the floodgates and let this horrible condition into my life and let it take over.
For those of you that don’t know much about OCD, allow me to enlighten you. It stands for obsessive compulsive disorder. OCD is a mental health condition where a person has obsessive thoughts and compulsive activity.
An obsession is an unwanted and unpleasant thought, image or urge that repeatedly enters a person’s mind to cause feelings of anxiety, disgust or unease.
A compulsion is a repetitive behaviour or mental act that someone feels they need to carry out to try to temporarily relieve some of the unpleasant feelings brought on by the obsessive thought. This condition is brutal and can utterly control somebody’s life.
The level of anxiety that I can feel if I don’t do something a certain way can bring me to a standstill. It is absolutely crippling. If I don’t do things the way I feel I have to, I am utterly convinced that I will lose my family. The feeling strikes such fear into me, that I feel physically sick. It is horrible.
I am one of many, many sufferers of this vile condition. I felt utterly alone at first, and it took a while for me to admit my issue and look for help. There is NOTHING to be embarrassed about. There are so many other people in the exact same position as you. All you have to do is reach out.
I had a really bad night OCD wise last night, which is what prompted me to write this post. I wanted to reach out to all the other sufferers and say, “You are not alone.”