I’ve had yet another shitty day of gritting my teeth, getting clammy and feeling sick because the pain I’m feeling is so severe. It never quits and it seems to delight in getting slowly and steadily worse day by day.
What really hit home for me was when my carer said to me this morning, “I’m starting to see your pain. It’s etched on your face.” I’m so tired of feeling this way. I’m so tired of feeling this way. I’m so tired of being in so much pain every single day.
Coping with it is becoming more and more of a difficult issue for me. I’m on a cocktail of drugs that would fell a rhinoceros and all that does is dull it slightly. The pain never goes away. The only thing that soothes it is my trusty hot water bottles which remain clamped to my lower back and legs. They help.
Other than that? I bite my lips and cheeks and have mastered the art of crying quietly so that people don’t hear and worry. This really does absolutely suck.