Ive been feeling very broken in the last few days. More broken than I normally do. I know that most people are sick and tired of my moaning, but I cannot talk about it properly. I just can’t.
I have tried so many times to shape the words and force them out of my mouth. Yet they stick in my throat and simply refuse to come crawling up out of my soul. So they remain crammed in their boxes, festering away.
People tell me to “get over it” like it is such an easy thing to achieve. Like I enjoy going through this emotional hell every day? I would give anything not to have to fight with my demons every single day. I would.
I have to hide it away, and keep it hidden for hours on end. I refuse to let the people who mean the most to me see me cry the way I need to when I get this down. Because I have to drop to the floor and scream whilst banging my fists on the floor. Those howls are a cathartic outlet for my grief and my rage.
Even now I can’t write in my own blog about what happened to me. Maybe sometime in the future I will. Maybe one day I will be able to purge my demons and chase away the darkness in my soul.