Animal abuse makes me fucking angry.

I’m doing my daily check of all the websites I have bookmarked to see if there are any new petitions that I need to sign. I come across several stories that make me want to fucking puke. The first being this one: In Egypt, They have turned upon stray dogs and are slaughtering them in the streets. What the fuck? There is a petition to sign to campaign against the issue here…

<a href=”http://www.gopetition.com/petitions/stop-the-mass-slaughtering-of-street-dogs-in-egypt.html”>Stop the mass slaughtering of street dogs in Egypt Petition | GoPetition</a>

This following petition was created by a 12 year old boy, to save chimps from research labs. He might just be the most erudite 12 year old that I have ever come across in my life. The following is a direct quote from his petition:

The US is the only developed country that still experiments on chimpanzees. Lots of studies have shown that research on chimps is unnecessary, so scientists should focus on the more effective kinds of research that don’t hurt chimpanzees. Not only are the tests painful and unnecessary, but the chimps are kept in really bad conditions, stuck in cages as small as my kitchen table for their whole lives.

Some drug companies, like Gilead Sciences, have already promised not to use chimpanzees. Merck says they care about animal welfare, and they’re a huge company that can make a big difference in ending chimpanzee research for good if they tell everyone that they don’t need to run painful tests on chimpanzees any more. If the government has done it, so can Merck.

You can sign this amazing young man’s position here: http://www.change.org/petitions/merck-help-end-chimpanzee-research

Also, an amazing young lady from Japan is campaigning against Muji in an attempt to get them to stop selling shark fin soup.

As a Japanese consumer, I am calling on MUJI JAPAN to stop selling shark fin soup immediately due to the critical endangering of global shark populations. I am also asking consumers around the world to join me and demand that MUJI UK, MUJI USA and MUJI TAIWAN exert whatever influence they can over the company as a whole in order to stop its involvement with the rapid decline in shark numbers.

You can sign it here

:http://www.change.org/petitions/muji-stores-stop-selling-shark-fin-soup-worldwide

I am so incredibly fucking angry about all of the senseless abuse and killing of animals that I read about every day. Just this morning I read about a ceremony where a horse is eviscerated alive in front of a watching audience. Just when you think the human race cannot sicken you any more, then something like this comes along. Today I am ashamed to be a human being.

Animal abuse makes me very fucking angry.

 

 

Friendship and betrayal.

This is a very difficult blog for me to write. Talking about friendship (and my lack of it) has always been something that is very painful for me. As long as I can remember, I have never had many friends. I have always been the unpopular kid on the outside of the circle looking in. Certain people in my life have conspired to keep it that way to make me easier to control and abuse. (For certain people, see “father” and “ex-husband”). They have, between them, destroyed my ability to behave properly around people that I do manage to make friends with. That fucking hurts.

Then I manage to break free of my “father” and his toxic influences. I took the decision to cut him out of my life and I have never once regretted that. His years of physical and mental abuse are over in all but my head. There they are alive and unwell. Cutting all contact with him is something that I will never regret. I will never forgive him for what he did to me. What he did, no father should ever do to his daughter. My ex-husband was an almost carbon copy. I didn’t see it until it was too late and I was under his spell. I fell for that man with all of my heart. My mother was dead, my “father” was abusing me and I desperately needed someone to look after me and love me for me. I met him, and for the first six months, he treated me like a princess. I fell so deeply in love with him, I could not have walked away from him if my life depended on it. Which it turned out that it did. I was 19 years old and so hurt and confused, I believed everything that he told me. Then slowly, once he had me, he began to change. Within the year, his mental abuse was consummate and he had me destroyed. I was fat, i was ugly and I was stupid. I still see that to this day.

Then came the physical and sexual abuse. It was like being back with my father all over again. It is easy for people to say “Why didn’t you leave him?” They were not in my shoes. He had me believing that I would never do any better. I was dirty goods and nobody would ever want me. He was the best that I would ever do. I married him thinking that things would change. They got worse. The only good things that came out of it were my children.

I can’t talk about a lot of the abuse. the words just stick in my brain and I can’t get them out. It just hurts too damned much. Things got worse and worse. Then he started to hit the children too. One day he threatened us all with a machete. He told us he was going to kill us all. That was my push. We ran. I took my children with just the clothes we had on my back and we ran, leaving everything else behind. I thank the goddess for my only friend. I can’t name her here, but if she reads this, she knows who she is. She took us in. She saved our lives and helped us to get accommodation. I owe her everything.

I went through hell to win safety and freedom for myself and my children. But I won. I stood up to the bastard who told me I was a weak piece of fucking shit and I kicked his fat, alcoholic, violent ass right to the kerb.

But I digress. Back to friendship and my ability to suck ass at maintaining them. I suffer with severe depression an the only place I have to release that is on my Facebook page. I post a lot with regards to how shit I feel and I learned that it drove one “friend” away. Deleted and blocked for no apparent reason though. No explanation given. Then some women that I had grown close to during my difficulties in the final two months of my marriage have also turned on me. They are not mean to me and they have not blocked me, but they barely respond to me anymore. They, it seems, are sick of me too. It would be nice to have been talked to, so I could have adjusted my behaviour to make them happy but I guess it was not to be.

Then I become friends with someone on Twitter. Over the course of a couple of nights we talked a bit and I got to like them a great deal. Then all of a sudden they block me. This left me devastated. Not again! Please not again. From what I can ascertain I am guilty by association. Turns out that I was following somebody that they had issues with. I did not know this person. He followed me first, and I only agreed to follow him after a while as he made one or two posts supporting LGBT rights. Once I read the tweets that had caused that day’s issues, I unfollowed this person immediately. But that it seems is not enough. I remain blocked. I have again been denied the chance to make things right and prove I am not what people think I am. All I want to do is be able to talk to this person and put my side of events to them. If they don’t want to associate with me after that, then I respect their decision. But one of my rapists will be free soon and I need all the support I can get. I’m falling apart here and keeping it together is getting harder and harder.

Now I am left with my true friend. She is my world and I am thankful for her friendship every day, without her I would not be here today. But I seem to be so unable to make any other friends. I just drive people away, even if it is by a poor choice in who to follow. All I want is to make things right. But I can’t. My bullies and abusers were right. I am a pathetic piece of shit and I do not deserve to be alive.

I’m so sorry for this miserable diatribe, I really am. I needed to get it down.