Book Review – I Kill – Giorgio Faletti…

The voice on the radio.
The writing, red as blood.
I kill . . .

A detective and an FBI agent embark upon the most harrowing case of their careers as they attempt to track down an enigmatic killer in this relentlessly suspenseful thriller. The killer announces his heinous acts in advance with desperate phone calls and ties his crimes together with songs that point to his victims; he then mutilates them and removes their faces.

Set in Monte Carlo and featuring an international cast of intriguing characters, the hunt for the deranged perpetrator remains gripping and unsettling, possibly even more so, after the killer’s identity is revealed and the detectives must close in on their target before he strikes again.

I had, for some weird reason, I have no idea why, a really sinking feeling when I picked this book up. It wasn’t the length of it. No, I’ve read many 500+ hours age books before. I just couldn’t nail down what it was. Then I started to read it. Oh dear…

By the time that I was 100 pages in, the book’s pace was so turgid and slow that I seriously felt like putting it in the charity box pile and saying goodbye to it. But I am stubborn. I do not like leaving books unfinished. It leaves me with a sense of dissatisfaction and unsettlement. So even though I can see me taking a long time to read this book I will get through it.

Well, so far, all I can say is that the book appears to be set in 2005 and it feels like it is set in the 1970s!!! Everything just feels dated. Even the murder of Allen Yoshida, the computer billionaire. *yawn* I’m beginning to think it’s going to take me longer than a little while to get this book finished I really am.

I’m now about 120 pages from the end and whilst there have been a couple of plot twists that did shock and sadden me a little bit, my mind just has not been able to wrap itself around the tedium involved in this story.

The two main protagonists, Nicolas Hulot and Frank Ottobre do not act like senior police officers with years and years of experience. OK, Frank could be excused up to a certain degree because of what had happened to him, but I honestly just wanted to reach through the pages and throat punch the both of them to see if that would shake some life into them.

It’s honestly a real shame as the story itself had the potential to be absolutely brilliant! But I just couldn’t get into it at all. This is very unusual for me as I can normally find at least two characters and a couple of threads of story line to give me hope. There was Barbara though. I identified with her very much for reasons of my own.

As the end of the book gets nearer, I’m discovering that I’m not excited to find out how it ends. I’m just excited for it to end. Isn’t that sad?

Now I’m really cross. I’ve just read a paragraph where Faletti mentions “Pagan idolatry” as being responsible for the evils committed by the “bad guy”. How DARE you Mr Faletti? Pagans are not evil and this continued misrepresentation by authors and by the press simply is not acceptable. Christians are capable of far greater evil the pagans ever have been!

Right, I’ve actually finished this awful excuse of a book. I don’t think I’ve ever read a book that I have found as dreary and uninspiring as this one. At times it felt like the words were superglue and my eyes were constantly sticking and having to be dragged over the sentences. I am quite literally only giving this book one star because I can’t give it none. Do yourself a favour. Put it down and read something else instead.

A one out of five star read.

Be kind to each other.x

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Irrelevant Me…

I’m irrelevant. I don’t matter. Nobody sees me. Nobody hears me. Nobody wants me. I may as well be invisible. My soul is just dying inside. Nobody tells me anything. I’m just… nothing. Irrelevant…

My soul bleeds… I scream into the void where my emotions used to be, tensing every part of me, waiting and hoping for some kind of response that will show to me that I am destined to feel more than this soul drenching pain that controls me…

I try to reach out… I reach out a hand, an arm, but before even my little finger becomes extended, she arrives. I should have known that she is on her way. I should have listened to the white noise in my head trumpeting her arrival. She grabs my arms behind my back and then she pushes me kicking and screaming into that cage she keeps for me inside the corner of my mind. Once she has me safely locked away, she is free to run the show…

Once she has this total control she begins to stamp around inside my head and the white noise turns down…

All I hear is her. Telling me that my ex was right. I’m fat, I’m stupid, I’m useless, I’m ugly and so many other insults. Then she tells me that all the people who love me don’t really love me. That they are only with me out of pity and that they will leave me soon. She screams out and says vile things to the people near me. I bang my hands on the bar of my cage and scream, trying to get people to hear me but they don’t. They only hear her. The bitch is very clever, she really is…

I’m so scared that she will get so vicious and nasty that people will think “Screw that!” and just walk away from me. After all, who wants to spend their life with a crazy, fat cripple?

I’m so terrified that I will lose my family, every time they leave the house panic sets in and she is able to take control again.

I fight every single damn day to be even a little bit normal. I fight for my family to love me.

Stigmatised by my favourite magazine

Stunningly written piece by a very good friend of mine regarding the damage done to the work that mental health groups and charities to improve the reputation of those of us within society that suffer with a mental health condition. I messaged Psychologies magazine via their FB page and was ratio and polite. I received NO response from them. That is how little they care about the people whom they are stigmatising even further and damaging their reputation even further down the road or almost irreparable damage without ever. Being mentally ill is not shameful or scary. It’s jus us. Who we are. That is why we stand up for those of us who can’t. This was my reply to Northernbird’s original blog post.

“That article literally made my blood boil. Suzy said that she had edited it? How the hell did that bullshit get past her? In other words, she didn’t read it properly and just sent it straight for publishing as it will benefit the magazine’s circulation.
When I left them a one star review on their FB page, which I WISH more people would do, they left me a patronising message trying to tell me what BPD was!!! Erm… I actually have BPD you bunch of inbred dickwads.
Yes, I am angry and hostile towards this magazine and I really couldn’t give a flying fuck if anyone disagrees with me. With their shitty “editing” and desperation to sell more copies, they have bad mouthed every single person with a mental illness. Not just those of us with BPD. We must be one voice and show just how wrong Psychologies magazine are!”

Northern Bird

Far from being click bait, the title of this post is 100% true.

Psychologies is a women’s magazine which focuses on personal development and well being. It publishes articles and dossiers on mindfulness, career and relationship advice as well as discussing anxiety and depression. Sounds great doesn’t it? I thought so to, which is why I subscribed to the magazine at the beginning of the year.

Roll on the August 2018 edition.

Capture

This month’s 18 page dossier is all about restoring your energy and how you can rid your life of energy vampires. That’s me.

Confused?

Let me explain.

I have a mental illness, Borderline Personality Disorder. It is a disabling illness which affects every aspect of my life. Which according to this dossier means I suck all of the energy from my peers, partner and everyone around me. This is not OK.

I have included the email I sent…

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Book Review – The Treatment – C.L Taylor…

“You have to help me. We’re not being reformed. We’re being brainwashed.”

All sixteen year old Drew Finch wants is to be left alone. She’s not interested in spending time with her mum and stepdad and when her disruptive fifteen year old brother Mason is expelled from school for the third time and sent to a residential reform academy she’s almost relieved.

Everything changes when she’s followed home from school by the mysterious Dr Cobey, who claims to have a message from Mason. There is something sinister about the ‘treatment’ he is undergoing. The school is changing people.

Determined to help her brother, Drew must infiltrate the Academy and unearth its deepest, darkest secrets.

Before it’s too late…

Absolutely bloody brilliant! Just wow! I had read a couple of books that really didn’t float my boat recently so it was awesome to pick up a book that gripped me from the very beginning. We start out by discovering our main protagonist, Drew is being victimised by a gang of girls in school. My heart went out to her straight away as I know exactly how this feels. The whole way through my school years, I was bullied too. It is nice to see a Young Adult book in which the bully actually fights back. I can’t say too much here as I don’t want to give out any spoilers, but there’s a desire to fist punch the air and shout “Yes!” when she does fight back.

Drew is overwhelmed by the apparent task facing her and she does not shy away from it. Once she has the information she needs, she makes an incredibly brace decision that will alter the course of her life and it gets her in to The Academy, where her brother is being held.

Drew’s character is one of great strength. Despite all of the bullying she has to put up with, she never loses her sense of strength and displays her sheer selflessness as she gets herself put into The Academy. There were stages at first where I wanted to give her a bit of a shake and tell her to grow some balls, but that was only in the very early stages of the book.

As the story progresses on, we begin to see exactly what strength, bravery and ingenuity Drew possesses as she is constantly plotting and planning to find a way out.

She forms a touching friendship with one of the girls in her dorm, Mouse (also known as Megan) and their interaction throughout the book just goes to show that lasting friendships can endure through the strangest of circumstances.

The thing about this book that scares me is that I could 100% see this happening to both children and adults who refuse to toe the line. There are shades of 1984 and of the Orwellian future laid out in that book.

The majority of the characters within this book prove themselves to be throughly unlikable sleazy and devious scum bags. Again if I were to say more, I would be chucking out spoilers. There are one or two good characters, one of which will come as a hell of a shock.

I can’t praise this book enough, I really can’t. A well crafted and suspense filled story that shows how we can never be too sure of what we are told…

A five out of five star read!

Be kind to each other.x

The biggest culprit behind climate change may surprise you #auspol #qldpol

An interesting read…

jpratt27

Food is the single largest direct and indirect driver of climate change.

Climate change is driving the expansion of agriculture into regions and habitats that never have been farmed before.

Clearing, burning, plowing and tilling natural habitats release enormous amounts of greenhouse gas into the atmosphere, as do the cattle from methane and manure, other animals and the crops used to feed them. Overall, agriculture generates more emissions than all the airplanes, cars, ships and other vehicles combined — a total of 24 percent of the greenhouse gas emissions our societies emit.

Given these numbers, many organizations, including the World Wildlife Fund (WWF), are working to try to reduce greenhouse gas emissions via two key strategies: achieving conversion-free food production globally by 2030; and absolute reductions of GHG emissions from animal protein by 50 percent in the U.S. and 20 percent globally by 2030.

Take habitat loss out of the…

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Book Review – Pretty Baby – Mary Kubica…

A chance encounter

She sees the teenage girl on the train platform, standing in the pouring rain, clutching an infant in her arms. She boards a train and is whisked away. But she can’t get the girl out of her head…

An act of kindness

Heidi has always been charitable but her family are horrified when she returns home with a young woman named Willow and her baby in tow. Dishevelled and homeless, this girl could be a criminal – or worse. But despite the family’s objections, Heidi offers them refuge.

A tangled web of lies

As Willow begins to get back on her feet, disturbing clues into her past starts to emerge. Now Heidi must question if her motives for helping the stranger are unselfish or rooted in her own failures.

Urgh. Just urgh. I really wanted to like this book, I really did. Hearing good things about the author made me excited to read it. Yet the writing style really put me off. From one character’s point of view it was present time and from the other two it was several days prior and it kept on jumping back and forth between the three characters which made the story difficult to follow.

The characters were all seriously irritating. Apart from Willow. For reasons of my own I empathise with her. Heidi I wanted to throat punch, I really did. That woman was way too goody goody and pure. Chris seemed to be a frustrated adulterer (I hate cheaters whether fictional or in real life) and Zoe was a brat who needed a good attitude adjustment.

The concept of the story was good, but it could have been so much more. There are parts that are achingly sad, but they are far outweighed and let down by the rest of the story.

I will give this writer kudos for bringing to the fore the topics of mental health and abuse as they are not nearly normalised enough in popular fiction. I just wish that there had been a trigger warning somewhere in the blurb. It took several days away from the book before I felt able to continue with it, but that’s just me.

I’m only able to give this book a two out of five star read.

Book Review – Pretty Is – Maggie Mitchell…

Lois and Carly-May were just twelve when they were abducted by a stranger and imprisoned in a cabin in the woods for two months. That summer, under the watchful gaze of their kidnapper, they formed a bond that would never be broken. Decades later, both women have new lives and identities. But the events of that summer are about to come back with a vengeance. Lois and Carly-May must face the truth about their secret, shared past… What really happened in the woods that summer?OK, I have to be brutally honest. I did not enjoy this book. Not even a little bit. I got three quarters of the way through and I came very close to putting it down. Mitchell’s first book has been described, amongst other things as “a slick take on a trope that just isn’t going away”. Sorry but no. I don’t see it as slick at all. The story judders along, jumping between the two protagonists both in current and past time. The whole thing is puzzled together and not at all what I was expecting.I honestly like my thrillers to be fast paced and to pick me up and whirl me along from the very first page and not put me down until the last. Pretty is just doesn’t do that.Both of the women were clearly in need of some very serious and intensive therapy but were both allowed to tumble along and present a functioning face to the world when they both needed a Psychiatrist and some very effective drugs.I just couldn’t get on with any of the characters at all. The villain of the piece just wasn’t very… villainous, and the way the book wound up just seemed so implausible. If you enjoyed this book, fair enough. It just wasn’t for me.A two out of five star book.Be kind to each other.x

I can’t even…

I can’t even… move, think, function…

Today is mot a good day. I’m having pretty much rolling panic attacks and my anxiety is thrumming like a tautly strung guitar which makes me feel tremulous and shaky.

I cannot explain why I am like this. No matter what I do, I am not able to settle down and relax into what I want to do. I can’t colour – my eyes won’t focus and when I look at the colours, they all seem to shimmy and swirl into one unidentifiable colour.

My allodynia is driving me around the bend. My skin is super sensitive and even the breeze blowing across it makes it difficult to cope with and is super painful. Then when I get cooler, I try and use my duvet, but you can guarantee that my skin will scream and try to crawl away from the fabric because it just hurts too goddamned much. Then I also have hyperalgesia which is basically my Fibro amplifying every single bit of pain that I get by about 100 times. To finish off, my paresthesia is also really bad. It feels like thousands of tiny little knives are running up and down my skin and it quite honestly makes me want to cry.

Is this normal I hear you say? Hell yes it is. This is pretty much how it is every single damn day for me. I can never have a single day where my pain is not ruling my life. Yet you know what? I’m not looking for your pity. I would just like a little bit of understanding and the occasional hot water bottle please.

Be kind to each other.x

Book Review – Joyfully His by Jamie Beck…

Folks in Sterling Canyon know that small towns have long memories. Two years after the DUI that injured a pedestrian, Andy Randall is still making amends. He hopes the Christmas spirit will help him get rehired as a ski instructor, but that job will come with conditions. He can’t afford another mistake, which is exactly what making a play for his former boss and friend, Nikki Steele, would be.

Nikki races down double black diamonds and hikes mountains better than most guys, unafraid of tumbling down the slopes. But trusting the guy who once shot her down could end in a fall that actually hurts, especially when she’d have to vouch for him with her boss. Still, the resort needs another instructor to handle the holiday tourists, and Andy’s sexy grin and relaxed charisma make him hard to resist.

With both of their reputations now on the line, can Andy convince Nikki that the second chance he wants isn’t only about the job?

Yes. It was that time again. I need the comfort of a good old soppy romance and as I had read and enjoyed the previous three books in the Sterling Canyon series, I wanted to read this novella just to see how things panned out.

Andy is the protagonist in this shorter story. It’s actually quite nice to see the story go to being from a male perspective from a change (the previous three books were all female led).

I must admit that I had thought he might one day end up with Emma, but by the end of book three, it is abundantly clear that that is not going to happen. So it was nice to see him given his (much shorter but still nice) love story.

It’s difficult to say a lot without giving the game away but it was a thoroughly enjoyable story and I was happy while reading it. I feel a bit sad to say goodbye to the Sterling Canyon characters as I built a fondness for them over the first three books.

I would definitely recommend that you read the series if you enjoy romance novels.

A four out of five star book.

Be kind to each other.x

Unboxing & Review of my Doki Doki box – June ’18…

I’m always happy to see this box arrive. It is a big toss up between kawaii box and the DokiDoki crate. They both have such utterly gorgeous things inside them and I always do my best to show them off and describe them adequately and hope I manage to get across just how cute they all are.

First out of the box is an awesome “bottle sock”. They are all the rage in Japan, meaning you can hold your cold drink without getting your hands all wet and cold. The one I got had mini Mt Fujis on it.

Next up was a super cute Sumikkogurashi cooler pad. This one you keep in either the fridge or the freezer before taking it to keep whatever you need cold.

Then comes a slim Rilakkuma glass. This glass is half frosted and has the image of two super cute little bears on it.

Next was a yellow see through PVC bag with the cute kawaii dog PomPomPurin on it. I adore this, I think it was my favourite of all.

Then came a Shiba Inu towel. Compared to the size of Western towels, its thin and long, but it has some very cute dog pictures on it. The towel was so long, I had to photograph it in two sections.

Well, as always, a super cute box and I loved everything. I chose to gift the glass to a very close friend of mine because I hoped it would cheer her up.

This is another five out of five star box.

Be kind to each other.x